Crazy as a Loom

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Scrambling

I could be talking about my brain.  But I'm just referring to the state of things.


 I've known for a while, that my mother was failing.  So I set up a loom at home, so when it came to staying home with her, I would still be able to weave.


 This is the 8 harness Macomber that I decided would be my "home loom".
A girl has to have a loom in every venue, you knew that right?

 The bench that came with it was hand made, and sweet, but too short for me.  So I found this one at the studio, that not only is the right height (crucial), but also seems to match the Macomber.


My mother has decided that she needs 24 hours nursing care.
She's right.
Her health has been in a rapid decline these last few months.
Unfortunately, she does not have the funds to pay  the $9000 a month it costs to stay in a nursing home, which means that we need to apply for Medicaid.

After a morning getting all the appropriate paperwork together, I went to Social Services to get this done.

Because my mother was not born in this country, I had to find her naturalization papers.
 


While I was sitting waiting for copies to be made, I was looking through my mother's wallet.
In behind the Medicare cards, and insurance cards, were pictures that just made me want to sit down and cry.


My mother and father, I think this is her first winter in the United States, 1946.




They were so young, and so much in love.  I guess they will be together again,  it's inevitable.


My grandmother and my Aunt Joyce back in England, in 1949.   I think about how my mother left them behind to marry my father.  It was an impulsive decision, and in later years a painful one when she realized that she had missed so much of their lives, and they hers.
 

 She saw her mother once more. 


She had a dream that my grandmother died, and the next week my father came home with the money to get her to the United States.  He took out a loan, just for her.
He picked up my grandmother in NYC, and she stayed with us for a year.   I was six, and don't really remember her. I was her first grandchild.  She went back to England and died of leukemia within the year.
 My mother didn't see her sister for 18 years.  1964.  A lifetime.
Things were different back then.  You just didn't pick up and fly wherever you wanted.


I am trying to do what has to be done.  I am taking care of my mother, and trying to help her with end of life issues.
But at the same time,  her life has been full,  and vibrant, and contemplating the end of that life is more than I can bear right now.

22 comments:

Deb said...

My goodness, you have been through a lot lately. I hope you can get good care for your mom and that alone will give you valuable time to spend with her. There are no words to describe the heaviness you feel right now. No one wants to see their mom fade. I understand and I'll be thinking of you. ((hugs))

Cindie said...

I feel for you. I went through 6 months with the help of hospice when my Dad passed - it was so hard and I pretty much put my life on hold during that time, but I was so glad to be with him everyday. I don't know if your mother qualifies for hospice help -it was a lifesaver for us.

Vicky said...

I'm so sorry Hilary-I'm so right there with you- I can hardly stand it. I will just pray for you to be able to cope and endure and have peace be your constant companion. You have my prayers friend!

claudia said...

My prayers are with you and your Mother! (((HUGS)))

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Just wanted to stop by and say I am thinking of you and care about you. XOX

catarinah said...

You know, it's really a gift if we get to care for our parents in their last years... It will leave us with a clear conscience, we get to tie up loose ends and if the loose ends don't matter, we leave them untied but we will always know we did our very best. We will work hard, lack sleep and we will have to sacrifice, but isn't that what they did for us years ago when we needed them?
When my father passed I hadn't seen him in over 17 years. Oh how many regrets don't I have, and it's too late, will always be too late. I long so for him, all the questions I have that will go unanswered. We were thousands of miles apart and he never even met his grandchildren, his choice, and he was too stubborn or weak to change his mind.
Now my mother is 87 and lives five minutes away. I keep her close in every way, and oh does she break my nerves but I know I've been given the gift this time. When she passes, hopefully many years from now, this time I'll be guilt free. Just as she provided for me, doing her best, I will have given back, doing my best.
So, you've been given a gift, I think you know it. Treasure it.

Carol said...

Hilary your post brought me to tears on a few levels. The pictures undid me though...they show how quickly life passes by, moves through...there they were young, in love, kissing and then she is at today. I am also on the caregiver journey and it is a journey...I have been traveling it now for 14 months taken care of my husband. He has two terminal illness involving his lungs and liver. He was a strong healthy man other wise so he and his body have fought this, 'this' being death. But by now of course he is very weak and frail...as am I in many ways. I do have help now via Medicaid but the anticipatory grief..well as you have started to find you have to wade through those waters as best you can on your own at first but then doing what your doing by writing or talking and yes, lots of tears.
I also asked a round to borrow a small harrisville or macomber as I have a 42 inch macomber but I thought I would weave in the same room...but there was none to be found. So we all seem to plan a head in similar ways. All this to say that I am on the path with you...remember to be gentle and kind to yourself as you are on a very hard but important path, one I am told we will be very glad we were on with our loved one. You will be, along with your Mom, in my thoughts and prayers daily. Peace...

thotlady said...

We are all thinking of you and hoping you feel our strength.

Susan said...

Listening to your story brought back memories of when my mother was nearing the end of her, sadly at 67 years old of a brain tumor. It's gonna hit you hard Hilary and spending these last few moments together will stay with you always. All my love and prayers for peaceful days, XOXO

Cupcake Murphy said...

xoxo As my father used to say "Getting old is for the birds."

messymimi said...

Hilary, i'm holding your whole family in my heart right now.

MarthaVA said...

((((Hugs)))). My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Martha

Country Girl said...

You need to pray for a bigger plate, girl. You need one.

Jane Jones said...

I know how hard this is and I'm not going to lie and tell you it will get easier. I still talk to my mom even though she's been gone for three years and I miss her everyday. I will say that in order to be there to take care of her and be there for her you have to take care of yourself. Maybe not first but at least second or third and sometimes first. If we don't take care of ourselves we can't be there for everyone else who needs us.

Lydia La La said...

Dear Hilary.... My Mum was born on 6th Dec 1924! Her second name is Margaret as is a sisters' and another sister was named Ellen... My birthday is in May. Wondering when yours is? My mother is in aged care and is doing OK. She doesn't accept it but there is no other alternative. It is the best for her welfare and so it will be for your mother. Thinking of you and will get back to my blog soon. such a lot has been happening and not all happy families! Take care. xo

Karen said...

oh, that first picture, so full of love, frame that one and keep it near. And that was the beginning of you!

You've been so good to your mom, I hope you find comfort in this as you go through this difficult transition.

Shuttle, Hook and Needle said...

So hard to take care of parents. My sisters, brother and I worried what we were going to do when our parents needed full time care. Both of them were adamant about staying at home and all of us but one lived out of state. Both of them died within days when each of them got sick. I don't know what is the hardest to deal with. The ongoing long drawn out - seeing them deteriorate or having to let go so fast. No easy answers here.
Prayers for you and your family.

mormor said...

I know what you are going trough.
My father past away in october last year and my mother in februari this year, in 4 months time I lost them booth. I miss them a lot. my mother died in my arms when I was taking her to the shop. They were around 90 years old booth and have had a good lifr together and with me and my sister around them-that is a comfort and a help in the sorrow.
My best wishes to you this hard time.
I´m sorry for my bad english.
hugh Monika in Sweden.

KY Cowgirl Chris said...

I really enjoy your blog! The weaving is so lovely, and your pictures are beautiful. The story about your Mom (and Dad) is very touching. I assume your Mom may have been a war bride? I ask because we learned something recently which has helped us in caring for my Mom (she is 89). If your father served in the US Military in a theater of war (like WWII, Korea, Vietnam, etc.) he and/or his spouse are eligible for a type of veteran benefit that will help them stay in their home or live in assisted living. The amounts are somewhat based on income, but the range is much more generous than Medicaid for qualifying. Because my Dad fought in WWII (he was honorably discharged at the conclusion of the war, so was not "career" military) she is eligible as his widow. We never knew it existed until we had to move her to an assisted living center. Your local VFW may have info, or you can probably find it on the Veterans website. It's been a Godsend to us so I wanted to mention it to in case it would help you afford more help for your mom at home.... Blessings to you!

KY Cowgirl Chris said...

I really enjoy your blog! The weaving is so lovely, and your pictures are beautiful. The story about your Mom (and Dad) is very touching. I assume your Mom may have been a war bride? I ask because we learned something recently which has helped us in caring for my Mom (she is 89). If your father served in the US Military in a theater of war (like WWII, Korea, Vietnam, etc.) he and/or his spouse are eligible for a type of veteran benefit that will help them stay in their home or live in assisted living. The amounts are somewhat based on income, but the range is much more generous than Medicaid for qualifying. Because my Dad fought in WWII (he was honorably discharged at the conclusion of the war, so was not "career" military) she is eligible as his widow. We never knew it existed until we had to move her to an assisted living center. Your local VFW may have info, or you can probably find it on the Veterans website. It's been a Godsend to us so I wanted to mention it to in case it would help you afford more help for your mom at home.... Blessings to you!

Hilary said...

Very touching post. The first photo of your parents kissing is just so tender. I see Kate's comment and I believe she's referring to a bit of Frank's writing that I sent her at one time. I'm going to locate it and send it to you, also. Hugs to you, my sweet friend.

Donna S. said...

Don't think I am far from there myself. You have some interesting history there. Wishing you peace within your situation.

Welcome to my world.

Because every thread counts

Because every thread counts