Crazy as a Loom

Saturday, November 23, 2013

I want to be Stella

You know Stella right????   

I listened to myself telling you how I was not on top of my game.  When I woke up this morning, I decided I needed to work on this.
I need to get my groove back.  No matter what.

After taking Roy for his morning constitutional, I headed to the studio.

 When the cats were all fed, and the stove was roaring, I started to take the studio back.
Not that it has been taken away from me, but the last two years have been a struggle.   I haven't been
pulling my weight, and the only reason the business has stayed open has been because of LOIS, pure and simple.
I couldn't have a better helper or friend.

But she can only do so much, and the place is looking rough.

So first, I cleaned the kitchen counter, it is always the FIRST sign of pandemonium.

Then I cleaned the stove and  the toast and tea center.

Then I moved into the living room and cleaned up my "winding station", and put away the 50 cones of thread I had stacked about.

Then I cleaned all around the AVL which has been pretty much the only loom that I can comfortably work on.

THEN..........I cleaned my desk, and had lunch on it.

And  a lovely lunch it was.

Finally, feeling that I had actually made a DENT, I did a little weaving.
I find this pattern mesmerizing, and I love trying it out in different colors.

I know that I haven't been "perfect" at anything these last two years.

YOU who have FOLLOWED my journey here, know that it has been somewhat difficult.  I am in no way looking for sympathy.  I have had a good life, and if it ended tomorrow, I would still not need sympathy.  But I do need family and friends to understand where I've been and where I am today.
Mostly, they do.

Two years ago, in June, my dog died.  Poor Eddie, I found him in the pool.   Yes, he was 14, blind and deaf to boot.  But the trauma of it was gut wrenching.  That seemed to be the start of a whole lot of bad luck.
So 6 weeks later, I fell and hit my head.  The infamous "head meets rock" story.  After 5 hours in the ER, I went home thinking that I had actually gotten away with it.

Two weeks later, DH had a stroke, which came with its own recovery issues.

Soon after, the damage done to my head became evident, when the headaches came and took over my life.
This was followed by a year of doctors and tests, medicines and injections, pain and more pain, no end in sight.
Finally, August 2012, first surgery, followed by months of recovery, March 2013, second surgery, more recovery, October 2013, third surgery.
All this while my mother, who lived with me, declined in health, became more difficult to care for, couldn't be left alone, and eventually died.
And not to forget the ray of pure sunshine that came with Baby Dale, a few days before my mother passed away on September  22nd.

So yes, you could say that the last two years have been stressful, and just plain hard at times.

There have been many days when I ended up on the couch with Roy and my slamming head, wondering if this was what the rest of my life would look like.  I have been depressed, discouraged, disheartened.  Overwhelmed.  Both sad and angry.
Then I would kick myself in the a**, get myself up and out the door.  I would dig down deep and find hopefulness, and I would become determined to take my life back.  I forced myself to work when I could, walk the dog, act "as if" my life were normal, even though it was far from normal.

 I have been distracted, and not my usual self, for a long time now.   Too long.

It is SO TIME to get my groove back.


Anonymous said...

Yes Hilary you do indeed deserve to get your groove back and if you ask me I think you have!

You have lived through so many trials and tribulations and yet have managed to find the silver lining of each dark cloud.

I am proud to "know you" and hope to one day actually meet you in person.

Love love love your kitchen stove, may I please ask what the make and model and age are? Just have to have one of those girls.

Hugs for Roy and of course for you ;-)

Unknown said...

Can i just say its about time...miss puss is sitting here on the desk with a confused look on her puss(hehe) as its been sometime since her butt has sat on the formica desktop... just sayin! L.

TexWisGirl said...

ah, bless you for your chutzpah. i know lois has been an absolute savior for your business. i am glad you can give her a break, now. ;)

Dizzy-Dick said...

I am sure you will be back "at it" with the same zest you had before all the trouble. I once complained to my Dad and said it can't get much worse. His answer was: "Son, nothing is ever so bad it can't get worse". But for you, the worse is over.

Theresa said...

Here's to good grooves and feelin groovy!

Country Gal said...

Groovy baby ! Nice that you had Lois to keep things going at the studio . Life will push us but we can push back . Take care and nice to hear ya got your groove back !

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

Sometimes life just gets to the point where you have to find a good box on top of a table and just lie in it for a while. But then, when the time is right, you get out of the box and clean off the table for other things. Maybe give the box to someone else who needs it :-) I learned that from watching your cats via your blog.

MarthaVA said...

Groovy! Grab the bull by the horns, and rock and roll!


Peg Cherre said...

You are too hard on yourself, Hilary. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time, sweetness, friends, great food, and healing. Don't pressure yourself to make the studio run like a business just will happen...or it won't. Whichever way, it will be right.

Unknown said...

Go Stella!
You are a shining example to me!!!
Looking forward to learning lots from you this year!!!!

Gayle said...

Hilary, I have been away from the blogs during your journey of the last two years, oh my.
You are one strong woman and by the sounds of things that strength is taking action. One day at time---Take care.

Midlife Roadtripper said...

I'm so sorry for the troubles of the past two years. Finding one's groove again is most difficult - especially as it is always a different one. Looks like you have much to guide you now. The loom - so impressive. I wish I knew how. Much to build on here for you. I wish you well as you venture back into life.

Joy said...

Being in the groove is so much easier when life is orderly....I could FEEL the relief as you cleaned up thru the shop....and now I want hard boiled eggs on a salad! May life be more even keeled from now on...hugs to Roy-Boy! And wishing you well!

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mkd said...

It HAS been a rough few years. I started following your blog after the "head meets rock" timing, and life sure can deal us stuff that brings us to our knees at times, but really from a blog reader looking on, your perspective and outlook has always been amazing. I just wanted to say that. I would much rather read a blog about real life, that one that is superficial. I am glad your groove is getting back!

Karen said...

well, you know I've been reading you for all that time, and I am amazed at how well you have held it together despite the setbacks and heartache.

I'm cheering you on, Stella, but you have all it takes already to get your groove back. That strong spirit of yours will lead the way. Now go... live.

CiCi said...

You have most certainly been overwhelmed with stress as well as pain, and I know it feels like longer that a couple years to you. Making the decision to get back onto your groove sounds like you are at least emotionally healthier now and I hope for your sake you are not in pain.

Daryl said...

good for you!

Susan said...

Just found your blog - and holey crap, that's a lot of bad mojo that came your way. Sometimes you have to get down pretty low in order to realize where you are and that you need to 'get back'. Hope you find your groove, whatever it may be.

Deb said...

Wow - you can tidy up around here anytime. You do a super job. That L is such a good friend (even if she hates cats hahaha!)You two are lucky to have each other. I'm glad your energy is coming back and I'm sure Roy is, too. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family, Hilary. Hugs, Deb

JC said...

I can only tell you that I know how you feel about this. I've been pretending over here in my woods for a long time. Next Monday I go in for my fifth surgery in under two years. I do hope this was your last one and that you do get your wish. Love all the tea ...

Thistle Cove Farm said...

and at the same gentle with yourself. whenever we take a blow, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, we need to treat ourselves as gentle and tenderly as we'd treat a beloved friend in a similar situation. Give yourself small, manageable "meetable" goals and chew on those a bite at a time. Bless those who have blessed you (Lois) with some home made cookies or bread. those who understand, understand and those who don't, best to know now so you can bid them farewell.
you're welcome to come here and walk the mountains; it's a peaceful place, my farm, and conducive to healing of all manner.

Unknown said...

You are such an inspiration...I do believe you have your groove back!

Welcome to my world.

Because every thread counts

Because every thread counts