No not jumping.

From Crazy as a Loom

Some days are better than others. I try to pace myself, and not take on too much in any one day. Naps still work for me.
And snow makes me tired sometimes.

Recently, I had occasion to reevaluate part of my business. I was faced with having to make a decision that I didn't like one bit.
Ain't that a kick in the butt???
But I find that sometimes the script is better if I don't write it. And I didn't write this one. I thought long and hard about the issue at hand. Somehow, it seemed that overnight, Crazy as a Loom might have to redesign itself.
I stewed a bit, and talked to a couple of good friends, one my weaving guru, and the other, a friend that has known me since birth. I bounced some ideas off them, and heard what they had to say. They both cautioned me to not "JUMP".
Did I already tell you the story about not jumping. It is a great story, from my college days, so that should tell you about how old it is....anyway, it is by E.B. White, and it is called The Door.
For those of you who have about 5 minutes, you can read the whole thing right HERE.
But my favorite passage, the one that I have remembered all these years, is
this one:

"But it is inevitable that they will keep changing the doors on you, he said, because that is what they are for; and the thing is to get used to it and not let it unsettle the mind. But that would mean not jumping, and you can't. Nobody can not jump. There will be no not-jumping. Among rats, perhaps, but among people never. Everybody has to keep jumping at a door (the one with the circle on it) because that is the way everybody is, especially some people."

So I went to bed last night, with a whole bunch on my mind, trying to figure out which part of it was 'can't live without' and which part of it was 'don't worry about it'.
That is hard sometimes.
It is change that gets us. You know it's true. There have been plenty of times in my life, when I resisted change, even though my life SUCKED. Sorry.
But it is our nature to hold on to what we have, to clutch at it desperately, even if it makes us miserable. It is why abused women defend their abusers, and stay on. It is why abused children always love the parent that abuses them more than anyone.

We don't want to change.
At least that is our first reaction. But, if we allow ourselves to walk around the back of the stage, to see what is really going on, we might start thinking deeper about it.
So at 3am, I let it go. I told myself, it IS what it IS. I told my self that I will be fine whatever happens. I knew that I had been honest, and forthright about what I needed, and about what Crazy as a Loom needed. I knew I could do no more than that.
When I really let it go, I fell asleep, finally.
And this morning, an email that gave me an answer that I could not even have imagined. Stress event over. Problem solved.
Letting go just feels so good.

From Crazy as a Loom