I want to be Stella

You know Stella right????   

I listened to myself telling you how I was not on top of my game.  When I woke up this morning, I decided I needed to work on this.
I need to get my groove back.  No matter what.


After taking Roy for his morning constitutional, I headed to the studio.


 When the cats were all fed, and the stove was roaring, I started to take the studio back.
Not that it has been taken away from me, but the last two years have been a struggle.   I haven't been
pulling my weight, and the only reason the business has stayed open has been because of LOIS, pure and simple.
I couldn't have a better helper or friend.

But she can only do so much, and the place is looking rough.

So first, I cleaned the kitchen counter, it is always the FIRST sign of pandemonium.

Then I cleaned the stove and  the toast and tea center.

 

Then I moved into the living room and cleaned up my "winding station", and put away the 50 cones of thread I had stacked about.

 

 

Then I cleaned all around the AVL which has been pretty much the only loom that I can comfortably work on.

 

THEN..........I cleaned my desk, and had lunch on it.

 

And  a lovely lunch it was.

Finally, feeling that I had actually made a DENT, I did a little weaving.
I find this pattern mesmerizing, and I love trying it out in different colors.

 

I know that I haven't been "perfect" at anything these last two years.

YOU who have FOLLOWED my journey here, know that it has been somewhat difficult.  I am in no way looking for sympathy.  I have had a good life, and if it ended tomorrow, I would still not need sympathy.  But I do need family and friends to understand where I've been and where I am today.

Mostly, they do.

Two years ago, in June, my dog died.  Poor Eddie, I found him in the pool.   Yes, he was 14, blind and deaf to boot.  But the trauma of it was gut wrenching.  That seemed to be the start of a whole lot of bad luck.

So 6 weeks later, I fell and hit my head.  The infamous "head meets rock" story.  After 5 hours in the ER, I went home thinking that I had actually gotten away with it.

Two weeks later, DH had a stroke, which came with its own recovery issues.

Soon after, the damage done to my head became evident, when the headaches came and took over my life.

This was followed by a year of doctors and tests, medicines and injections, pain and more pain, no end in sight.

Finally, August 2012, first surgery, followed by months of recovery, March 2013, second surgery, more recovery, October 2013, third surgery.

All this while my mother, who lived with me, declined in health, became more difficult to care for, couldn't be left alone, and eventually died.

And not to forget the ray of pure sunshine that came with Baby Dale, a few days before my mother passed away on September  22nd.

So yes, you could say that the last two years have been stressful, and just plain hard at times.

There have been many days when I ended up on the couch with Roy and my slamming head, wondering if this was what the rest of my life would look like.  I have been depressed, discouraged, disheartened.  Overwhelmed.  Both sad and angry.

Then I would kick myself in the a**, get myself up and out the door.  I would dig down deep and find hopefulness, and I would become determined to take my life back.  I forced myself to work when I could, walk the dog, act "as if" my life were normal, even though it was far from normal.

 I have been distracted, and not my usual self, for a long time now.   Too long.

It is SO TIME to get my groove back.