I must admit, that phrase was beginning to annoy me pre-surgery. My head was slamming, and I couldn't imagine anything any different. It was an awful place I was in.
I have been exhausted with it, and probably not all that pleasant to be around.
When the stretcher I was on rolled into the same OR I'd been in twice before, the tears were just streaming down my face. I wanted them to knock me out, and do it soon. I wanted to escape, from the pain, and the anticipation of all that was coming. The OR was full of people preparing for the EVENT about to occur. I didn't want to see any of it.
Behind my closed eyes, I could see my mother's hand gently placed over mine. Then I imagined kayaking on a crystal clear Adirondack pond. That's the last thing I remember until I woke up in the Recovery Room.
The very first thing I did, having learned well from the two previous surgeries, was to move my feet, and my hands. Ah. I am not paralyzed or even close. Put that fear aside.
Then my daughter appeared, looking relieved. That meant everything.
I stayed in recovery all afternoon. Two nurses took care of me: Debbie and Malvia.
The recovery room was rocking busy. But about 4pm, it slowed down a bit, and both nurses sat there looking exhausted. I asked them if they would come over to my stretcher. They looked puzzled, but both got up, one on each side of me.
I had something to say. I felt so compelled to say it, I could barely stand it, so I said:
"My mother just passed away, and this is my third surgery on my head in 14 months, AND I've had a headache for two years. When I rolled into surgery this morning, I was nothing but a raw nerve.
I come out to recovery, and YOU TWO treat me like a human being, not just a patient. You have been sweet and kind and caring to me all day long. I can not begin to tell you how much I needed just that. It is priceless, and you both are very special ladies. I was going to send you a card, then I realized how much I just needed to tell you."
Here I am, after I was transferred to the surgical floor, next day I think.
My bff asked me where I got my Victoria Secret apparel from.
Ha!
I woke with this compulsion to get better NOW. I demanded and ate a regular dinner that night. I refused the bedpan, and went straight to the bathroom. I walked in the hall the morning after.
I'm OK, I'm OK, I'm OK........that's what I kept telling myself.
So much so that the doctors said I could go home. We left Long Island on Thursday, the day after surgery, at about 7pm. It was good, because we missed a lot of traffic. I took the pain meds right before we left and slept most of the way home. I got home at 10:30pm, and went right to bed.
I really do wish they would stop messing with my head. :)
Family has been to visit. Cards and cards and phone calls of well wishes have come.
Sweetness has arrived.
If this doesn't make a body feel better, then nothing will.
Today my headache is a THREE. Now THAT brings tears to my eyes.
A THREE????? I could live with and LOVE a THREE.
I feel amazing. I am hardly taking the pain meds. I am blessed, so blessed.
All the prayers, all the good energy and positive thoughts of all my family and friends, have come to fruition.
What else could it be?
so very glad to hear this, hilary!
ReplyDeleteyour message to the nurses brought tears to my eyes. i know they will never forget it - and you.
So glad you're doing so well!!!! You are such a strong woman and can be an example to all of us. Bless you.
ReplyDeletePrayers said, prayers answered.
ReplyDeleteTake it slow - every day it will be better and sweeter.
God bless and keep you well.
you remain in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteOnly you could look so healthy, wholesome and vital after brain surgery #3. Follow doctor's orders and go easy on yourself. You've only got sweetness ahead of you now.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful of you to let your nurses know how much they mean to you. I suspect they don't get much better than the cranky side of most patients.
Sweet relief - for you and for us! Today when I sit at my loom, I will also reflect on what and who I need to be thankful for. Thanks for the reminder! Hope Nurse Roy is also standing/lying on duty for you!
ReplyDeleteHow wonderful... So happy for you! I love your don't put things off approach to life.. I can imagine how your words will stay with those nurses for a long time.
ReplyDeleteHad to tell you, I just received one of your red dish towels and it is beautiful and soft.. even the teens in the house commented on it.. which is great praise!
Yes - How wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteGonna keep on praying that you go from a three to a ZERO!!
So glad that things went well for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Keep up the good work. You look GREAT!!!! ~chris
ReplyDeleteCrying here. Tears of joy. And I swore I wasn't going to cry today. But this is worth it!!
ReplyDeleteprayers and hugs for a speedy recovery...
ReplyDeleteA three? Fantastic, so great to hear, take care of yourself and I am sending good wishes and fast healing.
ReplyDeleteOur daughter is a nurse and I know that nurses appreciate being appreciated and TOLD so. Thank you for your kindness to these hard working and caring ladies of the nursing field during your time of pain. xox
ReplyDeleteYou look great - so good to see you looking so good following yet another surgery. You are an inspiration on how to cope with life's up's & down's - hopefully all up's are coming your way. My best to you.
ReplyDeleteYou look different. Like a lot of stress has left your face.... I hope the headache from hell goes away entirely and leaves you alone the rest of your life! You deserve that.
ReplyDeleteHow sweet of you to tell those nurses what you did. I bet it made their day.
Sending white light and healing thoughts. That scar is just a battle wound.....you won this battle! I'm sure of it.
Hugs.
Martha
So glad to see you are doing so well!
ReplyDeleteSo happy to hear this, Hilary. I've been thinking about you a lot. Now...baby steps, my dear. TAKE IT EASY for awhile then you are on your own. :) Sending love, Deb
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping for a 0 when you are healed, Hilary. But for now a 3 is good. Sheesh...your scar rivals mine. You should probably get some rest and heal though instead of being so strong! xo
ReplyDeleteYou look great for someone who just went through so much. Wonderful to hear from you. We hope the headache fads quickly. Nancy
ReplyDeleteTears of joy, ty for bringing them to my eyes. What a treasure to read these words from you. Continued good health and blessings.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to read this post from you. That baby is just too beautiful, and all sweetly covered in the most lovely colors.
ReplyDeleteTake good care of yourself and let others do for you!
You look fantastic! I know you have the urge to get moving, but try not to overdo if you can help it. Snuggle that beautiful baby, and share her sweet dreams for as long as you can. Take time from being the strong one to just Be. Enjoy this last Fall warmth and beauty. Just Breathe and feel loved by so many people.
ReplyDeleteplease be careful, go slow and steadily ahead and be happy oh so happy hilary! I am so relieved and happy for you!
ReplyDeletePraying your recovery continues apace, and never turns back.
ReplyDeleteLooking good, Kid. KOKA!!! You inspire!
ReplyDeleteSo very happy that you are doing so well. May you continue to improve and enjoy life!!
ReplyDeleteWoo hoo! Great news!! A Three is a good thing. Love getting glimpses of that new little precious grandbaby.
ReplyDeleteoh Thank God you are ok and smiling and looking so relaxed and those sexy nighties, Victoria Secret for sure! You deserve to just relax and take it easy for a while and enjoy your recovery. You are such an inspiration to us and to everyone around you.
ReplyDeleteWonderful, I'm so pleased for you, you certainly have spirit in bucket loads. Cc
ReplyDeleteSure glad it worked out well. Hope all the pain goes completely away soon.
ReplyDeleteI am thrilled for you.
ReplyDeleteYou can live with a three.
XO,
JC
Wonderful to hear!!
ReplyDeleteSuch a relief to hear you are doing so well. How could you go wrong? You have a strong will, a wonderful family at your side and your Mom right there with you all the way.
ReplyDeleteSo happy for you, Hilary.
ReplyDeleteIt's a beautiful thing :-)
ReplyDeleteAmen, and Amen again.
I hope so!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so very happy things went well.
ReplyDeletesooo wonderful to hear this .. i hope the '3' is the worst you ever experience again xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou are BEAUTIFUL. !!!!!!! I cried- I laughed- more support vibs flying your way.....you go lady....!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up and live to fight another day. You are doing really well and I am happy for you.
ReplyDeleteThis brought tears to my eyes! I am still praying you will be down to zero!! :) :)
ReplyDeleteBoth Bruce and I send love and hugs your way and to your family who are trying to look after a feisty patient!
ReplyDeleteHopefully the head ache will fade away as the area heals.
*fingers crossed*
It will be interesting to hear what the surgeon says...
Oh Hilary- I've so wondered how you were doing! I'm just in awe of how your strength transcends everything you have been through- and are still going through. Praying for you- for resolution dear one- let this be resolved! For healing, for peace and for lots of snuggle time with that precious little one. Hugs dear one!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the picture of you smiling! Have kept you in my prayers and I'm shedding a few tears of happy for your continued healing. Your grandchild's picture is another bonus. Sending you gentle hugs. Hilary, you are an inspiration to so many, including me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought the last scar was serious - this truly is the scar of scars! One question answered - fingers and toes work! Next question I'm holding my breath on - pain???? You are the queen bee, poster girl and captain of the "fused neck club!"
ReplyDelete