For now.

Just thought you'd like to say goodbye, toodles, and good riddance, to the monster in my head.

I know that I do.

I'm a raw nerve, I cry every 10 to 15 minutes, for no reason whatever.  I about fell apart in the MRI machine this morning.
I didn't realize that I would be slid into this thing the full length of my body, and that it would be inches above my face.  I usually can do those things.  Not so much today.
I almost lost it, but not quite.  As soon as I felt the fear, I squeezed my eyes shut, and committed myself to not opening them.  Then the noise began.  You can't appreciate how noisy an MRI of your head can be unless the monster is lodging between your eyes.
He wasn't happy.
Then the tears came.  No noise, no movement.....heaven forbid.   Nope, just a flood of tears.
Far from home, facing the unknown, aware of my oh, so human frailties.

Tomorrow, I am having brain surgery.   A little voice in my head, the one I'm not supposed to listen to, says, WTF?  Seriously?
Yes, seriously.
But I am grateful.  Grateful that someone has an answer.  Grateful that someone can fix it.  Grateful for the love of so many family and friends because that love holds me up, and helps me to focus on getting through the present moment, with hope for a headache free future.
And maybe the monster knows, because he is waging war on my head every day without a break.  He knows that he is soon to be evicted.  And the pain he inflicts only makes me more sure that this is the right thing to do.
The only thing to do.
I am going to try to get my daughter to do an update here.  I think she will, just enough to let you all know what is going on.
I look forward to blogging when this is over, about EVERYTHING but the monster.
Monster, be damned.
Thank you, all, for your prayers, good thoughts, energy, and concern.
You are the best.