I matter.

Here it is, well into June. I have no idea where the time goes.  Most of the time I feel that I am hiding away here in Kingsbury, in this big old house.

The world has gone mad.

First a heat wave that seems like the dog days of August, then so cold I wanted to turn the 

furnace back on.

Then for a couple of days, I didn't dare to go outside with the air quality in such a state, bad for people with asthma, like me.

Then there's the indictment.  God help us.

But let's stick with today, that's always my plan, even though I deviate sometimes.

A while back, I was repotting my oxalis, a plant I've had for 20 years.   It was looking 

kind of sad, and I knew it was root bound, so I bought a bigger pot, and some dirt.

Unfortunately, when I proceeded to remove it from its tight space, I dumped it upside down on the table.  I was horrified, I thought for sure I had killed it.   But fast forward a couple of weeks, and just look at that beauty.  

A long time ago, my mother, gardener extraordinaire, told me that sometimes you need to "shock' a plant, and it will rebound with gusto.   Apparently, she was right.

When we walk the dogs every morning, we usually walk on a dirt road a few miles 

from here.   Never mind that there are oodles of lovely trails we could walk on.

Nope.  We only walk where there is minimal chance of seeing anyone or anything.

The reason:   that would be Willie.  He is the sweetest dog on the planet, but he reacts ....no, he overreacts .....to everything.  Jumping, howling, twirling.....it's a sight.    I've tried everything that I can think of, and nothing really works.  He is happy and calm and lovely in his own domain,  but anywhere else, even in the car, he is a royal pain.

Luckily, he didn't see old grumpy Grace here.........good thing. Snapping turtles can do a job on a dog's nose.   Lately we see them almost every day, laying their eggs by the side of the road.

It's a labor of love, surely, or is it just instinct?  I am glad that they don't know that 

the very next day, those eggs have been dug up and feasted on by some local predator.

It's a wonder there are any turtles at all.

When we walk on the Towpath, which is the road next to the old canal, we often see

the results of lazy ass people throwing their trash around.

This piece of metal has been there a while, and L insists on calling it the "creature in the canal".

You decide.

I know I told you all that I had turned a corner.  And I think that's true.

But wow, my brain is working all the time, pondering and figuring, and thinking

things through.

Memories flash through my head, and some days I am just exhausted with putting my life all back together, in this new shape.

I have come to understand so much.

We all have our crosses to bear.   Our infirmities.   

We all have to navigate the process of aging, and we all have to face change

at one time or another.

Nothing stays the same.

We all experience life in our own way, the joys, the heartaches, the worry, the excitement, 

the challenges.

I believe that I am but a blip on the screen, like each one of you.

In a vast universe, each one of us is a mere thought.

So in that vein, what matters???

I think........I really believe......that the only thing that matters is the love we give, the good we do, the serenity we claim.   

So in every throw of the shuttle, every mix of the dye,  every hug of a child or a grandchild or a friend, every kindness I extend, every time I  dig down and give of myself, every quiet moment of gratitude I experience , I matter.

And that, my friends, is it.