Today

I have been hypothyroid for about 17 years.  It started with muscle aches and feeling so sleepy, I would lay on the couch waiting for the coffee to be done, and fall asleep again.   It was so unlike me, I hightailed it to the doctor.  Thus my experience with Synthroid began.

Over the years, it has worked and not worked.  By that I mean, that keeping my TSH in the normal range is sometimes a feat.   I will be going along, feeling fantastic (loose terms here) and suddenly I am so tired, I can't get out of my own way.  It takes a while, before the information gets to my brain, which I attribute to the brain fog that settles when your thyroid is not working well.

When I realize what's going on, and get the doctor to order labs, it comes back with a high TSH, he increases my meds, and it takes 4-6 weeks before I see the results.  Over time, this occurs with some regularity.  Apparently, as you age, your thyroid gets more and more sluggish.

Just for the record, ALL women over the age of 50 should get their thyroid checked.  AND do not settle for the word "normal".  You need to know the numbers.
NO ONE feels good with a TSH more than THREE.

But recently, I had the occasion to have palpitations all day long.........so I asked for labs to be drawn.  My TSH was .06......omg.   WAY too low.........so stopped the medication for several days per MD, maybe longer, per ME, and all week long have suffered with side effects of too much Synthroid.  Chest pain, overactive bowels, missed heart beats, feeling jittery, nervous, can't concentrate.

I am not a happy camper.

So there's that.

As always, the way I get through things, is ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I thank my years of Al Anon for that.  I don't get too worried or immersed in self pity about feeling bad.  Oh, I consider it, of course.
But mostly, I just do my regular, which is: STAY IN THE DAY.

Yep, I got stuff to do, and I get at it.  In this respect, truly, weaving has saved me over and over.
And then there's the simple fact, that it could always be worse, and is worse for some.
So you take the hand you were dealt, and deal with it.  Play that hand as best you can.
The headache from hell that descended on my life in 2011, has taught me some pretty significant lessons.

I have been spending more time in my hot tub this week, it helps the achiness of my chest and back.
Looking at the night sky, feeling that glorious heat seeping through me, I feel that I will be ok.   I ponder a lot in the hot tub, about life and how we manage to think we have forever.
I also think a lot about what our individual lives mean, what it all means.
I have also decided that while my children were the most incredible joy of my life, having them grow up and leave has been just as life changing, and hard.

I was lucky to have my Mom for so long......she lived to be just shy of her 89th birthday, and lived with us for the last 10 years of her life.  When she died, the loss was compounded for me, because there was this huge hole, not just in my life, but  in my house, where she had been, where she ruled.

I talk to her sometimes in the hot tub.

And I realized that something she said, was so true.  She told me that when she died the person she wanted to see the most, was her mother, who passed when my mother was only 28 years old.  She had missed her all those years.  Now I know, that when I die, I want to see my mother most of all.

But for now, I am busy, with today.

Today, this day, drinking my morning coffee, the sun just coming up over the icy horizon, the pellet stove keeping the living room the toastiest place in the house, Miss Puss at my feet, Roy snoring in his bed, hand knit mittens almost finished on the coffee table, the gift of a "minimal" headache, DH still asleep, perfect quiet, warped looms waiting in the studio.............this day is mine.