You did it.

While I am totally against any form of dieting at my age, I am painfully aware that all winter long I have been eating in ways that are not necessarily good for me.

So I'm just trying to eat better.  Cleaner.

I haven't eaten meat in 14 years.......wow, that's incredible to me.  Seems like yesterday.

Unfortunately, sometimes not eating meat, I tend to fill up with carbs, and that is not a good thing.

I am totally stuck on this draft.  Something about the texture is so appealing to me

that I just don't get tired of it.

So I decided to tie on my next warp, and do the same draft all over again in 

different colors.

I chose pastels.

I really have no idea WHY, because I am not really a pastel kind of girl.

The first towel turned out "ok", I guess you could say that its pretty, but to be

perfectly honest, it did nothing for me.

So I decided totally ignore my choice of warp colors, and do whatever came to mind.

While they are not everyone's cuppa tea, they make me happy, and that's what counts.

My love of the texture continues, and I have no idea how long I will be weaving 

these towels.   I guess I will weave them until I don't.

And that's ok, too.

Someone at my house has a ball obsession.

Not saying who.

Yesterday was a lovely rainy day, so I made detox lentil soup.

It's the bomb, and definitely one of my faves.  It's pure comfort.

I love to read, but I admit that my reading habits are probably weird.

I read several books in a row, devour them really, and then I'm done.

I won't read for a week, or 2, or 3, or even more.  

Then, suddenly, I will be reading again, and I will read like I can never 

get enough.

Until I don't.

What's up with that?

My new favorite author is Paul Harding.   The book that won the Pulitzer Prize, was The Other Eden.   I just finished that one, and went on to read the second one, Tinkers.

His mastery of the English language is fierce.  I just love him.  Here is an excerpt

that spoke to me.

And yes, I am still drawing.   It's all coming from some dark corner of my head,

I scarce want to know where.

I feel like I might have my second wind here, I hope you all don't get sick of reading.

  It's your own fault, you are too encouraging. :)

Back so soon

I can't tell you how much your comments meant to me.

I guess I had forgotten how healing it has been writing this blog over the last16 years.

This lamp is one of my favorites, and I remember clearly the day I bought it at a garage sale in Wells, Me., on one of our trips.   My husband and I went to Maine every May and October.  Good memories.

On my  list of things to do, was repotting some of my house plants.  This Oxalis was pretty root bound, and needed a new home.  It was so uncooperative, and I dumped it upside down on my potting table.  Luckily, it forgave me pretty quickly, and I think it's going to thrive.

Last year I had my screen porch "rehabbed", unfortunately the screen was not put

on very well,  and is coming off.  So this year, I have to put new screen on it.......again.   Annoying, 

to say the least.  But the dogs and I spend so much time out there, that I have to 

bite the bullet and get it done.

It's the best place to relax with a good book.

I bought a rug on sale at Lowe's, to spruce it up.

We love our porch.

Dale rocking her short hair cut!  She loves it, and so do I.  I love the confidence in

someone so young.  Even though all the other girls have long hair, she was 

quite certain about what she wanted.

Willie loves everyone, but he seriously loves "his kids".

And they love him!

Got my new labels in the mail.  I mostly use them on towels.  I get them from Quality Woven Labels.  They do such a great job.

On another one of our trips, I came across Tajin.......a spicy concoction

that you can put on fresh fruit.

It's very addictive.

Driving in the rain the other day, I thought about this past year.  I think sometimes that I have totally bored my friends with complaints and general "whinging" (English expression).

You all have the option of hitting the x on the top of the page, but my friends not so much.

The crux of it is this:  I feel like I have experienced a concerted assault on my person for the last year, physically, with 2 ablations, 2 cardioversions,  2 months of a horrible medication, Covid, and then 2 root canals 3 weeks apart, plus  recurring hip pain.   Then, of course, emotional and mental pain after losing my husband, who was my best friend.  Some days I think I should be very depressed, and I'm surprised that I am not.

So I've been in Normal Sinus Rhythm since October, and I am feeling physically much better, getting over all the nasty side effects from  the medications I had to take.  The effects of Covid  still bother me, for instance, my headaches are worse since Christmas when I had Covid, and I still am fatigued a lot of the time.  

I have started seeing my Osteopathic Doc again, for Osteopathic Manipulative Treatments, which are nothing like they sound.   He did wonders for my headaches years ago, so I am hoping that he can help again.

What I want more than anything is to feel like myself, and to be honest, I don't.  I haven't felt like myself for the last year.

I suppose that is to be expected.

Truth is, there is no preparation for losing someone, which is awful really, when it's an inevitable part of life, and particularly a part of aging. 

Once again, I realize that 'one day at a time' is the only way to get through any of this.

This morningI got up at 5;30, made some tea, and got on the couch with my dogs.   I promptly dozed off

to the sounds of rain on the windows.  Is there anything more soothing???

I needed that extra half hour of sleep, and these days I am kinder to me, and I let it happen.

I go with the flow, so to speak.  I weave when I want to weave, read when I want to read, rest when my body says it's time.  In other times, I would have ignored my  body, and pushed on to make more "product".   Not today.

Today, and finally, I do what feels perfect in the moment.

Maybe it took a year of being in "the bucket", to realize the importance of taking care of me.

Today.

Ok, so I have some explaining to do.  Where the hell have I been since January????

Well, here it is in a nutshell.........I'm not sure where I've been for the last 10 months.  I'm really not sure at all.   A lot of it has been a blur.  My life has changed so much, sometimes I 

feel that it has been a bad dream, and I'm going to wake up soon.

Bill used to pick on me, and say, "oh you won't miss me when I'm gone."  

I wonder if he knows, just how wrong he was.

I'm managing everything, for sure.   Truth is though, you don't know how to fill that hole where grief 

resides, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Time.  

I know.

I have great family, and amazing friends, and I am so grateful for both.

They help me navigate this unimaginable loss.

And the studio, as always, is my savior.   There is nothing, next to my grandchildren,

that makes me as happy as letting my creative muse take over.

One big change is that I really don't care about the retail end of it.  I have tried, 

several times, to talk my self into getting pumped up (again) about retail, but it's just 

not happening

I will put stuff on FB, and I will build up inventory for the guild show

in the fall, and that's about as far as that goes.   

Today I thought how funny it is, that I used to joke that I wanted to be that strange old

lady in the big house that weaves.

And here I am.

I still bake and cook, although not as much.  That too is a comfort to me.

My kids, and a couple of friends, have informed me of my continual mention 

of death.  Mine in particular.  The end.  The inevitable.  When.  And how I am constantly 

getting my affairs in order as if it were imminent.

Which it could be.  Of course.

But just as likely, it's not.

And I realize that they are right.   Since walking in and unexpectedly finding my husband

expired, I'm afraid that my mind goes there more often than not.

I know that this is not good for me.

I'm just not sure how to stop it.

But I know that I need to get on with it, move forward with my life, however

I might perceive it, and I need to stop perseverating and stop being morbid.

Any passing advice??  Please.  

Feel free.   This is hard.

I am guilty of doing what most people do, and what I have done my whole 

life...........and that's trying to manipulate the future......trying to decide.....will 

I do this?  or this?   or maybe that?  And will that make my happy?

When the only real way to live your life.....I know this....I learned it a long time

ago, but still need to be slapped occasionally ........is to just LIVE TODAY.

STAY IN THE DAY.

So simple, but so difficult to do.

So my goal, if I have one, is not to write a book, or draw lots of houses, 

or weave wonderful garments, or dye beautiful yarn, or to go on vacation.

No.

My goal is to do today, to be as happy, and content, and comfortable as I can be

for this whole day, then to put myself to bed, to sleep, and rest up to do it all 

again tomorrow.

And tomorrow will be my today......and I will strive, once again, to 

do it justice.