Reflections

I am reflective of late.
Maybe it's the headache.
Or it's winter.

I did actually decorate a bit for the holidays.

I enjoy my house.  I love it, to be sure.
I  just wish I could share it with my family, but they live a ways away, and of course, they are all busy.

I saw them all at Christmas, we always get together at one of their houses, about an hour away.

But to get them all here in Kingsbury  at the same time, well, that's not easy.
Work, sports, obligations......you get the idea.
It makes me sad sometimes.   I try not to let it, but it does.
Time plods on, and what was is no more.
People change, children grow up, nothing stays the same for long.
Change is inevitable.
Sometimes it sucks, to be blunt.


This is my morning view, sipping my coffee, cats and dog sleeping around me, stove keeping the living room toasty.

I do a lot of thinking this time of day.  It's quiet, and I contemplate my life, and think about the changes that I have experienced.  Some good, oh yes.
Some not so good.
And a lot of changes were just to be expected.  There was no avoiding them, they happen to everyone.

I tried to get my two oldest grand daughters to come up on Christmas break.
But that's not happening either.
They are booked solid.....busy.
And to be honest, Mimi might not be as interesting to them, as she once was.

It brings to mind other times, when they loved to come stay with me.   I treasure those times.

They didn't stay that little for long, but it was an amazing time.

Now they are young ladies, just 7 years later.

Back then, I was happy to be the "paparazzi", just following them around on their adventures.
What I wouldn't give to do it all over again.

Now I see them on holidays.
And they text me.
But it isn't the same.
It's different with your own children.  They were stuck with you until graduation.

But with grandkids, you are definitely less important to them as they get older.
And to be honest, it's nothing abnormal.  They are just finding their own way.
It's reality.

Did I mention that reality sucks sometimes????

I don't want you  to think that I live a miserable life.
I don't.
I am happy in my little corner of the world.

I amuse myself so many ways.....making a spinach quiche for example.

Weaving a cotton "translucent windows" scarf/neck wrap.

I am never bored, I am always engaged in some pursuit that makes me feel sustained.

Maybe occasional sadness at the life gone by is a natural thing.   We get older, and there is a lot more lost than our youth.
Friends, family, gone from us.   Children grown up, with families of their own.
Priorities shifted, goals reached, walking a different path than one we've ever known.

In all my ponderings, and even in my dreams, I have not for sure found the answer to it all.

But I think...............I think...........it is this.

You just need to live the best life you can live, every day.  You have to find your sweet spot.  You have to find your own happiness.

And above all, you have to be grateful.

And I am.

It's winter.

Why do I keep singing this song??

Oh the weather outside is frightful.

Yes, we are having a real winter this year, it seems.  But I have found that the words of my late mother reverberate.
She said, "You won't mind winter so much when you don't have to go out in it every day",
and she's right.

Because it's very cozy inside.
I have everything I need.

Towels, towels, towels.

I am always busy....there is always something to do.

I'm stuck on clam shells.

Tis the season......good to keep this perspective.

 Traditional Greek Honey cookies......

and lentil soup.

All in all........ winter can be good.   It's just winter, after all.

 Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas.

It's a crazy world.

Early morning in Kingsbury.

Tiny little hamlet in northeast New York.

We actually have street lights, which I love.  They are not in front of my house, but I can see them in a couple of directions from my window.
Lately, at night, we often see
 flashing red lights, as the local sheriff enforces the 40 mph speed limit down Rte 4.  We applaud.

I am in my pajamas, and it is barely light out.  I went to bed early with a headache, and feeling exhausted.  I think I slept 9 hours, and apparently that is what I needed.
It is good to listen to your body, especially as you get older.  That's my thinking.

Now I'm eating a salt bagel, with a cuppa tea.  The dog has been out, the cats have been fed, the pellet stove is warming the room.   I plan on relaxing here for another hour or so, reading, catching up with emails.  This is my morning routine, and I love it.

All those years of being out the door at 6:15, to be at work, ready to start at 7:00am.........done.
Who knew retirement could be so lovely.
I look back, and remember that it felt normal, to be on the road in the dark, to hear the gates clanking behind me as I checked into a maximum security prison, day after day, to set up the clinic for inmates  who arrived every few minutes for my entire shift.  Then there were emergencies, fights, stabbings, cardiac issues, sick call, doctor's appointments, testing, lab and so much more.  Patients brought in sometimes in handcuffs, and sometimes leg chains.  Correction officers standing behind you at every turn.  For twenty years.

It felt NORMAL.

Why am I telling you this??  Because it occurred to me, that sometimes the most horrific things are made normal
Not right.  Oh, never.   Never right.
But in our perception, normal events.
And I am not telling you that it is necessarily a good thing.  It's not.

After I left the prison system, it took months before I computed that it was not my life anymore.  I had to readjust to the world outside of that freakish normal.  It was probably not that much different than a criminal who is released.

I watch the news, and I think.  How many people are fooled, that THIS is normal?  Or is this our NEW normal, now??
And then I go do something creative, because I can't absorb any more of it.

My solace is being able to stay home, weave, bake, just be myself.


This was a winner.  Rosemary parmesan bread.  And simple.  And delicious.......I could have eaten the whole loaf.

We had it with some ribolitta, which is synonymous with clean out the fridge soup.

And after two days of fighting with this warp, 50 yards of golden glow is on the AVL, and restocking towels is the order of the day.

My loom should be named "Serenity", cause that's what I find when I weave there.

My conclusion is:   this new normal we are about to experience is not normal.   It isn't, it can't be, it won't be no matter what anyone tries to tell us.
Prison wasn't normal, even after 20 years, it was never, ever normal.

Make your own normal, your safe place, your life the way you know it should be.  That's the only way for me.